Breast Cancer - A Journey

Bittersweet

 

I am sitting here staring at the screen willing the right words out of my head and onto this post...I think that this will be my last entry. 

This blog started out as a way for me to open up and let people in, as I am a bit of an introvert when it comes to my feelings (just ask Dan). This little blog has given me so much more than just an outlet for my ramblings during my personal battle with breast cancer. It has brought so many new people into my life that I probably never would have met. It has given you a way to cry, laugh and worry along with me without the burden of actually having to express it out loud - although I am quite positive that you may have heard my tears through some of my entries.

- and believe me - I cried. I cried a lot.

This blog also renewed my faith in God. I have gotten to know Him so much better than I ever thought I would. I finally figured out what is really important in this life. I learned real humility - I have never once asked God -Why Me? (Dan will attest to that), and found my faith - I have always known that I would get to this day.

This day...

...the day that I say "adios cancer. my life belongs to me again. You are not the dominant thought in my head. You don't get to knock me off my feet and kick me while I am down...because I am stronger than you".

SO...

Thank you all for being there. for lifting me up in your prayers. for encouraging me to keep going. I am sure you all know that every positive word you said, every uplifting thought, every prayer group that you added my name to helped. They helped in more ways than many of you can possibly imagine.   

I still have all the cards and notes that so many of you sent over the last year - and believe me when I say I don't keep stuff. I can't stand clutter (but with two boys it is VERY difficult to escape) so I don't keep birthday cards or mother's day cards or Christmas cards. But - I kept every card you all sent in a box to remind me of the fact that we are all in this together.  We never have to fight our battles alone.

If I can ask one favor of all of you it is this...

encourage your loved ones to have their cancer screenings. having to go through what I went through is MUCH better than the alternative.

Thank you for coming along with me on this journey...

it was much easier than going it alone.

xoxoxo

Chelsa

 

 

Results, and other - more important news...

We acquire the strength we have overcome. 

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today I got the call from the radioligist's office.

The spots they found were just that...fiberous tissue

NOT CANCER!

I am so happy to put that behind me.

But I have to say that I have a heavy heart.

I am sure that you all have heard about the young Canterbury basketball player that was the lone survivor of a small plane crash this weekend.He is in critical but stable condition.  His dad and stepmom didn't make it.

I know that when I heard the news all I could say was "I don't believe it  - lightening doesn't strike the same place twice - how could this happen?"

If you aren't familiar with his story - Austin was in a plane crash in 2003 that resulted in the deaths of his mother, sister and brother. He and his dad were the only survivors. Austin was 8 at the time, I believe.

Austin Hatch was a student of Dan's this year and he always talked about what a great kid Austin is and how proud of him he is. He has said on more than one occasion that he hopes our boys grow into the kind of person Austin is - a great all around kid and a superb athlete (he was only a sophomore this year and he has already verbally committed to play basketball at U of Michigan when he graduates)

I ask you all now to pray for complete recovery for Austin.  Pray for his emotional recovery from the tragic loss of his parents as well as physical recovery from all his injuries. He needs us all now more than ever.

You can keep up with his progress through Caring Bridge.

If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them.  When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope?  We have two options, medically and emotionally:  give up, or fight like hell. 

~Lance Armstrong

One year later...

Wednesday is the one year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis.

I have been getting so excited for that day to get here.

I have been in awe just thinking about how fast a year really goes by.

I am trying to remember life before cancer and it gets a little harder every day. I liken it to trying to remember life before children...it seems like a fairy tale, like it was  make - believe.

I think I am starting to become a bit more like the old me - only better, wiser and a little more forgiving of the small stuff.

I finished Andrew's 1st year photo album this weekend.

I kept telling everyone how bad of a parent I feel like I must be because a year went by and I don't have very many photos to document this very important milestone in Andrew's life.

then I started collecting the photos of him and I realized that even though I don't have a ton of photos, the ones I do have are all so special. I have watched him grow into an amazing little person - he has such a fantastic personality - he is actually funny and I think he knows it.

Michael starts soccer tomorrow.

He is beyond excited.

He is so funny about it...asking all the logistical questions like:

Who is my coach? what field will we play on? will I get my uniform at the field? who is on my team? 

...and he has been practicing in the yard with Dan. that boy has some skills for a 4 year old.

...............

today I had my mammogram.

it is amazing - the technology in breast imaging.

they found something...something very tiny.

I have a biopsy scheduled for Friday.

I will try my best to think positive thoughts.

please God - let it be nothing.

PLEASE HELP SPREAD THE WORD...

I know that I haven't posted in awhile, but if you can please help spread the word in the search for this young girl... go to this facebook link and attend this event to help spread the word on Facebook  Find Lauren Spierer

 

Thank you all so much for being there for me...now let's do our best to help find Lauren!

the Lapper...

it is an annual fundraiser for Cancer Services of Northeast Indiana.

You get to walk around beautiful Foster Park  - as many times as you can/want to and the proceeds go to this wonderful organization.

Cancer Services' mission is to enhance the quality of life of those affected by cancer by providing meaningful resources, information and compassionate assistance.

I know from personal experience with this organization that they become your advocate even when you are too overwhelmed to ask.  So anything that I can do to help  Cancer Services raise money, I will.

So this is where you all come in...

My fabulous family of ladies at Matilda Jane and I have decided to join forces to raise some money for the event. I goaled us at $1000 (the event is only a month away)

I hope that you will help team "Booby Queens" (in honor of the one I lost) get to our goal. Here is the link to our Fund raising Page. I strongly encourage you to watch the short video.

I know I am being shameless in asking for donations...

...but Cancer Services helps families in ways that most organizations don't. They make it a little easier for cancer patients to get through the day. they provide services such as individual support,
durable medical equipment, information, transportation, health supplies, financial assistance, complementary care and support groups.

I hope that you'll help.

Thank you.

The Small Stuff...

This is what life is all about....

I know that you can't really tell from the photo but my house is a mess!!!

It drives me insane  that it always looks like the aftermath of a tornado that ripped through my family room.

but seriously - does there have to be a toy on the floor of EVERY room in my house?

I know that I am outnumbered, but c'mon boys, I need some serenity. some CLEANLINESS

I am seriously considering selling a body part so that I can afford a cleaning lady---cause I am sure you all know that I am feeling WAY to lazy to actually do something about it.

This balloon brought so much joy to Andrew, he is a little obsessive about balloons.

so we kept it around till it literally died. He looked for it for two days after I finally got rid of it.

And Michael has discovered his love for roller skating.

Here I was thinking I was being mother of the year and getting him all geared up with padding and a helmet. and what  do I get in return...Mommy, can I take this off - no one else has a helmet on?

and since he was only falling on his fanny, I let him.

He was so happy and I was on pins & needles.

but then it dawned on me -

I never wore a helmet to go roller skating

Dan used to obsess over weird stuff

We both turned out ok.

My house may be messy, but it is filled with love and LOTS of laughter.

I can't wait till that jeep moves outside.

I am so looking forward to watching Andrew go crazy when we finally get to fly kites.

I may still hire a cleaning lady. (Merry Maids-here I come)

It feels good to sweat the small stuff again.

Spring...

It has been a month since my last post and I can't believe that so much time has gone by.

I have been at Matilda Jane for three weeks now and I have to say...I love it there. The team is so wonderful to work with and not a single person at Matilda Jane has made me feel inadequate for needing to take the time necessary to heal.

and the best benefit of my career change...

I get to have weekends with my family!!!

Michael still gets giddy on Saturday mornings when I say "yes, today is family day - and tomorrow is family day too."

speaking of family...

I am missing Dan and Michael so much today. They are in Florida for the week. Spring break is still (and always will be) a major holiday for the DeMarchis family.

I am missing them today because Andrew and I didn't get to join them in Florida.

I am sad that I am missing the amazement in his eyes the first time he gets to see the ocean

I still have THREE radiation treatments left so I had to stay behind. kinda sucks - but that means I will be done by the time they get back and I can focus all my attention on the stories of their adventures in Florida.

How am I getting through this week with half of my family gone you wonder?

the way any mother would...I went shopping.

Andrew and I went to Michigan for my neice Ava's birthday party and I couldn't help myself...I had to go to Ikea.

and I got a few things...

Hopefully Dan won't mind.

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.

  ~Anne Bradstreet

New Beginnings

I've been doing a lot of thinking the past few weeks...

thinking about what it means to be a strong woman, a good wife and a good mother.

over and over people keep telling me how strong and brave I have been throughout my treatment, how amazing it is to be going through what I am going through while working and being a mother and wife.

My response has always been the same - I do it because I have to. I can't stop being who I am just because I have cancer.

But last week, something changed...

last week I actually became the strong woman that so many of you see in me.

Last week I finally left my job.

It has been a long time coming and I still can't believe that I put myself first.

I put my children first.

I put my husband first.

No one can fully recover from a life changing illness when she is constantly worried about how taking the time away from her job to heal will affect people.

SO... after finally having that revelation, I made the change.

and I have to say that once my head finally cleared I feel so good.

work opportunities have come my way and I am so happy to be open to them.  I am truly looking forward to beginning a new career at a place that values the whole person (cancer and all that comes with it).

I have spent afternoons with Michael, and Andrew is sweeter than ever.

and Dan...

I think he is finally starting to recognize me again.

I told you that I have high hopes for this year...I can see them starting to come to fruition.

 

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.
       - Roy Disney

 

FRIENDS...

So today I was thinking about my friend Val.

Her husband, Wayne, lost his battle with cancer.

I have tried to put myself in her place, but as much as I try, I just can't bring myself to imagine Dan and the boys without me here.

I don't know what she is going through and I am grateful to God everyday that my own battle with cancer has an end in sight with me as the victor.

My heart aches for her and there is so much that I want to do - that I wish I could do for her to make her pain a little less, even for just a moment.

That is why I am so thrilled to tell you about her friend Jami.

I only met Jami once - last year just after my own diagnosis - and I know that she is exactly the kind of friend that I want in my corner.

The kind of friend that will go not only the extra mile but as far as she needs to go to see that I get what I need most, when I can't seem to do it for myself.  

Jami - with some help from Matilda Jane put together an amazing online auction to help our friend in need -

to get Val the help she needs during the MOST DIFFICULT time of her life. 

  Click Here to Learn More

I hope that you'll get online February 28th when it starts and help an amazing woman who needs it now more than ever.

and please say a prayer for Val and her little ones...

God does hear their names often, but certainly not enough right now.

 

"In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me".

~Psalm 86:7

 

 

Radiation...

So Yesterday I met again with my radiation oncologist...

The idea of radiation is truly fascinating. It is amazing how the beams can be manipulated so that they only radiate the small area that is affected by cancer. I wish that it was all I had to do (instead of chemo & surgery). Life certainly would be easier right now.

but - back to yesterday...

I met with the doctor and we did the "prep" before I actually begin the radiation.

First they created a mold so that I am in the same position for every treatment. after the mold was created they made some marks on the areas that will be treated and did a CT scan to make sure they have everything in the right place. after that was completed, I got tattooed.

Yep, I got my first tattoo(s).I know you're jealous...

Seriously though, they are the smallest things you could imagine. they look like freckles. but, they are there nonetheless. oh, and I got painted with bright blue paint marker. Michael thinks it's cool. I feel like a doodle pad gone wild. I won't post any pics of that though...too much for your viewing pleasure.

I will officially start my radiation schedule next week. It will be EVERY DAY for the next six weeks!

I will keep my eye on the prize though...I am ALMOST done with all this stuff. I will be so happy when all I have to do is get my Herceptin infusion every three weeks.

Before I sign off tonight - I need to put out a HUGE thank you to everyone that has been there for us.

To you who provided meals when we needed them the most but were too proud to ask...You who took it upon yourselves to send us things that you knew would make my boys lives a little easier and and my recovery from surgery much more comfortable...To you who drove me anywhere I needed to go when I felt like a prisoner in my home after surgery...and to my friends who didn't wait for me to call and ask for help - you were just there.

I don't think that I will get personal notes to all of you that have given us the gift of friendship, but I want you all to know that I (and my family) feel so blessed to have been shown God's grace through all of you.

THANK YOU, Thank You, thank you.

Faith makes things possible, not easy.  ~Author Unknown